Yeah, it’s bad.
Perhaps the most anticipated film of 2025, “A Minecraft Movie” absolutely delivers on every one of the promises it made in its three trailers, which were: 1) this will not be a faithful adaptation; 2) this will not be funny; 3) this is going to make a trillion dollars off the backs of immature ten-year-olds.
Director Jared Hess gives his main cast little to work with script-wise during the film’s 1 hour 40 minute runtime, resulting in varying levels of performance. Sebastian Hansen (Henry) stars in his first and hopefully last blockbuster movie. Jack Black (Steve) tries. Emma Myers (Natalie) might be a good actress, but I can’t know for sure because she’s given nothing of worth to do or say during the entire movie. Similarly, Danielle Brooks’ (Dawn) character could’ve been taken out completely without much change in the plot. Jason Momoa (Garett Garrison) gives the performance of his lifetime, and Jennifer Coolidge’s (Vice Principal Marlene) three scenes are the movie’s best work.
“A Minecraft Movie” begins with a monologue by door knob salesman-turned miner Steve, who finds a magic cube which transports him to the Minecraft world, the Overworld. Steve, accompanied by his CGIed wolf best-friend Dennis, discovers a portal that transports him to the Nether, a dangerous burning dimension. He’s captured by the evil Piglin leader Malgosha, voiced by Rachel House, who wants the cube in order to destroy the Overworld.
In the present day, the rest of the main cast (Henry, Natalie, Dawn and Garrett), residents of fictional town Chuglass, Idaho, also end up in the Overworld through a wacky turn of events. The rest of the movie consists of the struggle between our heroes (including Steve, who’s broken free of his captivity) and the Piglins for the fate of the Overworld.
Now, there are some good things about this movie. The set looks fantastic – the designers brought the Overworld and the Nether to life, a tall task for such a unique world. There are many cameos and Easter eggs that die-hard fans will appreciate. There were also some moments that were just pure fun – “I…am Steve”, “Chicken Jockey!” and “Let’s Minecraft” were some quotes that earned standing ovations at my theater.
Alas, that’s all this movie’s got going for it. My criticisms of this disaster begin with its relationship with “Minecraft,” the game. Unlike other recent video game adaptations (“The Super Mario Bros. Movie,” “Five Nights at Freddy’s”), this movie not only does nothing for the game, but it’s also a massive change in tone. “Five Nights at Freddy’s,” for example, combined elements from the lore and its own ideas to make a fresh new story, while keeping the same tone and vibes from the game.
Yet while “Minecraft” single player is famous for its eerie, lonely vibe, “A Minecraft Movie” is unbelievably unserious – bad jokes and gags make up the vast majority of this movie. The writing is hideously insecure. Clearly Hess and the screenwriters weren’t confident enough in their own ability to adapt “Minecraft” into a good movie, so they made it a “so bad it’s funny” movie that would at least be a hit with the kids.
The movie is also very reluctant to implement music from “Minecraft’s” vast soundtrack, which is arguably the greatest video game score ever. It instead opts to go with a refurbished version of legendary composer C418’s “Minecraft” score as it’s main theme and includes multiple Jack Black originals, including “I Feel Alive,” “Steve’s Lava Chicken” and “Ode to Dennis.” Any longtime “Minecraft” player will tell you how soul crushing it was to go into this movie expecting Hess to at least nail the soundtrack – and then have Jack Black look us dead in the eyes and break into a musical number five minutes in.
The cherry on top of this mess was the post-credits scene, which promised a sequel, to the jubilation of absolutely no one. In summary, “A Minecraft Movie” is a film in which meaningful character arcs, appropriate set design and good acting go to die.
2/5, I would recommend it to my worst enemy.
