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The Purple Tide

The student news site of Chantilly High School (Chantilly, VA)

The Purple Tide

The student news site of Chantilly High School (Chantilly, VA)

The Purple Tide

Satire – ‘Blame Canada’

The Anti-Canadian sentiment has been running rampant recently, what with the wildfires and the (admittedly well-deserved) anger induced by the findings on the indigenous school grave sites. To be fair, the annoyance towards the fires is understandable, as Washington D.C. was rated as having the second worst air quality in the world at the end of June, according to IQAir.

But as a Canadian, I feel like it’s getting out of hand. There’s a beer named “BLAME CANADA” (shoutout South Park) with an image of Canada burning on it, a documentary called “Canada is Dying” and all the big American newspapers constantly roasting Canada and taking shots at poutine—come on. Chill out a little.

When Australia’s forests were burning, everybody cried out their support and prayed for them, and though it was a terrible event, they had it coming. (Shouldn’t have skived off environmental action, ya schmucks—congrats on moving 4 spots up from dead last in the 2023 Climate Change Performance Index). But when Canada, who is on the forefront of environmental action and has provided $3.7 million to the United Nations Environment Programme to support its efforts—catches on fire, it’s all “dang Canadians, now we can’t breathe air!”

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Just put a mask on. You’ve done it before. It’s not that deep.

I’d argue that there’s nothing to complain about. If you think the smoke is bad here, imagine how it is up there in Canada. At least y’all don’t have the most invasive large mammals on the planet running around. Yeah, the CBC reported that the wildfires managed to burn down fences in British Columbia, meaning there are a bunch of feral pigs let loose who can basically destroy—and kill—everything.

Just put a mask on. You’ve done it before. It’s not that deep.

And when I thought—like many other Canadians—that things couldn’t possibly get worse, now there’s a Hurricane coming for Canada.

It’s pretty annoying that the U.S. is blaming Canada for this, because ultimately, this is all their fault. Those wildfires aren’t exactly a coincidence; they’re happening because of climate change and the earth drying, and guess who’s been the leading contributor of carbon emissions since 1750, according to Carbon Brief? The U.S. But instead of taking responsibility, the government is going around blaming everyone from China to your mother (I’m not kidding, this is an actual thing from Ms. Magazine).

And then we’ve got certain news companies—that shall remain unnamed—spreading blasphemy about how the wildfires aren’t due to climate change.

What is it due to then? Space lasers?

But I’ll lay off on the U.S. They’re already suffering enough (*cough, karma, cough*), so it’d be wrong to flame them too much. (Get it? Flame?)

At least Canada is doing something about the fires. In fact, they’ve been preparing for this for years. WildFireSat, a satellite designed to monitor wildfires, was first proposed in 2012 and a brief 17 years later, it’ll be launched. The satellite will be able to warn people half an hour in advance so evacuations and safety precautions can be made, as well as being able to tell how intense the fires are and the rate of spread.

There’s no use complaining about the smoke. This seasonal smokey air, unfortunately, is the new reality for much of the U.S. and Canada, and research by the European Geosciences Union has predicted that the number of forests burned per year will double by 2050. Instead of whining about it, learn how to manage these conditions. And if you think you have it bad, imagine how it is up there in Canada.

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About the Contributor
Cedric Tchommo, Copy Editor
Cedric "Barack" Tchommo is a sophomore in his second year with The Purple Tide. Other than revolutionizing the entire concept of the newspaper industry and practically splitting the fabric of reality with every article he writes, he enjoys playing tennis and basketball as well as reading and writing in his spare time.
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